Heart attack, stroke, diabetes, organ failure, hypertension, blah blah blah

When am I going to finally get it? I feel like I understand things more and more, but I give up because, well, it's just too easy to not try. Right? But then I keep educating myself on the things that could happen to me later, things that are starting to happen to me right now, and I'm terrified. I see what my family members have gone through with how much pain they have experienced in their lives and how much they allowed their health issues hinder their joy. It seems so simple, but I seem to choose to be lazy. I can't do it anymore.

Here are the facts, the facts that I need to pay attention to - for once and for all.

I'm 24. I have insulin resistance (aka prediabetes) along with polycystic ovarian syndrome, hirsutism, chronic back pain from a herniated spinal disc, a fatty liver, a not-so-great knee, horrible acid reflux, and a heel spur. I think today I'm at 260. This isn't good. And the thing is that 7 out of the 8 things listed can be fixed with a lifestyle change of eating healthy and regularly exercising.

The worst thing about all of this is that it is only getting worse. I'm a wonderful candidate for cancer, heart problems, liver problems, etc. It's great. I'm staring death in the face every day that I decide to be a lazy sack of shit. A slow, debilitating, painful death. Even with a nice make-up job and cute hair, this face of death is not pretty.

So, that's what I'm up against. I realized the other night that when my faith is strongest, it is to get over something. I'm hoping that this time, my faith can get me through something. Changing your life for good is something I'm not great at, obviously, but I keep trying. I have to keep trying no matter what. It's serious. I have to be serious about it. Seriously. (Can I say "serious" again?)

Here's my "plan" for now:
Goal 1 - 20 lbs. by Mom's bday (Jan. 21st) as my gift to her
Goal 2 - 30 lbs. by Dad's bday party (Feb. 20) as my gift to him
Goal 3 - 45 lbs. by parents' anniversary (March 18) as my gift to them
Goal 4 - 50 lbs. by Memorial Day
Goal 5 - 60 lbs. by July 4th

I'll work on other goals after I complete the first 3 of those. I want it to be healthy, but I also just want to feel better. I need to sleep better, too, so I think this should definitely help!

So, needless to say, I'll be doing the South Beach Diet again because I love that diet. I also want to do yoga, start my belly dancing class, get into Nia again, maybe do salsa and swing, and continue walking. I'm only letting myself go to Torchy's or any taco stand/food cart once a week. That's going to be tough for sure. Really, I want to focus more on my exercise.

Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.

Keep Austin Weird Diet? I kinda forgot.

So, when I went to clean out my fridge the other day, I saw all of this kombucha that I apparently forgot to drink for a while. I had 2 friends who would make it for me and I think I got so overwhelmed that I just stopped it altogether. I'm back in the kombucha habit, I guess, as of yesterday. I like it. It's weird, but I like it.

It's getting cooler here on some days, so the urge to take walks is more frequent. That, and I've been working at home a lot lately, and it's nice to get out on my street and wander around a bit. Man, I wish I had some friends who lived in, say, Boston, to come down and hang out and walk around with me. . . ;)

I've been using a lot of agave lately, and I think I'm really getting used to having the taste. It's a bit strange at first. It has a maple syrup vibe, but it has a flavor all on its own. I'm hoping I can cook with it in other things and not just use it in drinks. We'll see how that goes.

That's really all I had to say. Oh, and I am on Glumetza instead of Glucophage now. I hope this one doesn't cause any really awful side effects. That was not very fun.

Working for the weekend?

My beautiful friends Ashley and Sarah came to visit this weekend. I showed them many of the sights of this wonderful city, and definitely fed them more than properly. Let's just say that I need to practically starve myself for a whole week to detox from all of the deliciously horrible things I consumed in a matter of 2 whole days. What can I say? It was fun while it lasted!

Doc said I have to lose 10 lbs. in 6 weeks. It's been a week, so I've got a lot of work to do. On the exercise end, I'm hoping to at least do yoga twice a week until I can see her. Here's hoping for the best!

Doctors have hearts sometimes, actually.

I went to the doctor again on Monday. I wasn't sure what I was going back for, but I went anyway. I forgot that she put me on a temporary steroid over a weekend to see how I would respond to it (which explains the 48-hour urine sample. . . that had to be refrigerated. . . and the top kept getting loose somehow. . . Yeah, not a fun weekend for me or my refrigerator. Let's just say it is REALLY clean now.). The good news was that I responded well to the medication, so should I run into any issues when baby-making-time comes up, I can use something to help me. Then, she said I need to lose weight because if I don't, I will be diabetic in TEN years. (Cue: slight internal freak out.)

We finished our brief conversation ($40 co-pay for 15 minutes, gotta love the medical field) and I left. It kind of hit me as I was talking to my mom that my doctor who is normally pretty blunt and only-to-the-point actually shared some emotional concern for me. That said a lot to me. So, I bought all of the fruit I could find (literally), and had a fruit and queso day to get it all out of my system. I restarted the South Beach Diet yesterday, and with the exception of a few bites of things, I have done pretty well for the past 2 days. That's all I can ask for - one day at a time.

I'm challenging myself in a strange way to see if all of these super healthy Austin-y things will actually do what they are supposed to do. I'm dubbing it "Keep Austin Weird Challenge." (Super creative. . . I know.) My loose plan is going to be this: Incorporate 2 tablespoons of extra virgin coconut oil into each day, use local honey for one cup of hot tea, stay away from Splenda if I can help it and instead use agave nectar or other natural forms of low GI sweetners that aren't sugar/HFCS/etc., drink kombucha more (at least 8 oz. daily/every other day), do yoga a few times a week, and maybe even throw in some acupuncture once a month. Why not? If all of these things are supposed to help, then I can only benefit from them. If they don't help as much, then maybe I can find some other things to do. I just know that I need to change some things - ok, a lot of things - so I'm not sitting here in 10 years with some sob story about how I should have listened to my seemingly emotionless doctor when she actually tried to care about me. So, I'm going to try these things out for 2 months from Monday (officially - unofficially, I'm starting now), and I'll update my way on here. Oh, and if you know of any Austin-like things that I should do in addition to these things, leave me a comment.

I just made an amazing recipe from the South Beach Diet: A Taste of Summer Cookbook. I made sea scallops with zucchini, sweet onion, garlic, cherry tomatoes, edamame, and fresh basil. It was amazing. It was so amazing that the maintenance man at my apartment complex almost begged me for some. He is so funny! I'll update that progress as well.

I'm also looking for a physical challenge to work toward. I'm not a runner, so that's out of the question. I cannot afford a bike right now, but hope to soon. What's something I could do? Help me out. I need suggestions!

Well, at least I am going to use this. . .

I'm re-claiming this blog to help me start a healthier lifestyle.

Recently, I started going back to the doctor. I could go into all of that and the amazing amount of blood and urine that has been collected from me in the last couple of weeks, but I'll spare anymore details. I went into the situation saying, "I don't take medication because I came to you looking for a different solution than medication."

Then, a few weeks later, she put me on Glucophage.

Really? Whatever. I'm taking it as I should and it has made me a little sick, but I guess that is one of the things that must be endured in order to get better. I'm not so sure, but I'll do what it takes. I'll give anything to avoid the situation my grandmother is experiencing (see: slowly dying) and my mother's health issues as well (see: cancer survivor, many problems with insulin resistance and the body in general). I guess I just need to get more serious about watching what I eat.

So, here I go - again. But at least I get to say again because a lot of people just stop altogether. Not this guy. (Girl. . . whatever.)

Feelin' good in the neighborhood

Weight is the same, but exercise is seeming to pick up more.

About 2 hours of salsa dancing
About 30 min. of walking

Not that bad, really. I'm not eating as I should, but feeling better about eating as I should again.

Does that make sense? Hope so.

It's heating up out there, folks.

So, this past week was awesome for exercise, esp. seeing as the week before was not.

Exercise:
approximately 5 hours of walking (I think that is safe to say)
approximately 3 hours of dancing (probably more, actually)

I freakin' heart SXSW.

Weight is hanging around 240, and some of that is due to consuming large quantities of beer. Not so good, so this week will be Detox Week, for sure, although I just ate Indonesian buffet. . . Starting over tomorrow it is!

I hope depression doesn't hit.

Exercise:
1 hour of walking
20 min. of dancing with a drunk dude
(he was actually pretty good, considering)

241. Not the worst.

Some of my friends and I aren't so happy about some aspects of our lives these days. I'm hoping this doesn't have an effect on my eating.

Making up for 2 weeks.

So, since you're engaged - it's totally ON now!

Exercise over the past 2 weeks:
25 min. on the eliptical.

Yikes.

Weight is 240.5 again, thank god.

Walk. That's kind of all I do.

Exercise:
30 min. eliptical
3 hours of walking

I think I've gained weight since Karen came to visit.

I'll write more next time.

Fitting into old clothes again. Yay!

This past week, I hit my 20 lb. weight loss mark. That put me at 236! I cried I was so excited. I kind of let go for a few days, though. I was so busy and I didn't put as much stress on my dieting as I should have, so I've gained a pound or 2, but I'm not obsessing over it.

I put on some pants I haven't been able to wear in over a year. Later that day, I got a phone number. . . Coincidence? Haha - probably. It was a really good feeling, though. I lost it in 2 months, so that is a safe weight loss pace.

Exercise:
1 hour and 10 minutes of walking and
20 minutes of yoga (because I forgot my work shoes and had to leave early. . .)

Life is good. What can I say? :)

Ramblings and such

So, I don't have diabetes - thank the freakin' LORD! However, I tell myself that I do because I could still develop it one day should I not take care of myself. I'm sure this has been said a time or 2, but it's still good for me to reiterate it.

I've gone to the lengths of literally making myself envision not having toes or limbs due to poor diet control. I know, it's a bit extreme, but it has helped, obviously. Now, when I see something sugary and delicious like the pastries I work around, I don't think, "Yummmmy sugary goodness!" I think, "Walking with a cane when I'm 75 because I can barely move my legs." Yeah, it's not so appetizing after that.

My hopes with this are that one day, I can have children who make the correct decisions for themselves. They will see me struggle with this daily, no doubt, but hopefully, they will see how much richer my life is for being disciplined and making wise choices so I can be with them. At this point, I'm not even sure if I'm going to have children. Physically, I am unable at the moment, and emotionally, I'm not sure if I want to have them one day. There are so many health problems that I have that I wouldn't want to bring someone else into, so that's something I will need to contend with when the time comes. Granted, I want babies, but I may just adopt and save a person a lifetime of medical bills. That's really difficult, either way.

On a much, much lighter note, I've been cooking a lot of Italian food lately. I'm pretty much convinced that I'm the most amazing chef ever! :) It's pretty good, I must say. Gina taught me how to make her Nana's sauce today. I have eaten a bowl of the sauce alone. It's pretty incredible, and I can't wait to make stuff with it. Last Monday, my friend Whitney and I made a delicious meal: homemade (not by me) onion coriander pappardelle pasta topped with sun-dried tomatoes, chicken, fresh mozzarella, and homemade (by me!) sun-dried tomato and basil pesto. Holy mother of Mary's baby. It was INCREDIBLE. It was HEALTHY! We were happy. Apparently, I still am.

I consider myself a salad chef for the most part. I loooove to experiment with salads, but I've been experimenting more and more with Italian food. I hope it doesn't stop because it is a) delicious, b) less expensive than eating out, c) fun to make, d) healthy, and e) making me happpppyyy!!! YAY!

Ok, enough of that. I'm sure I will write more about this later.

Hitting milestones in more ways than one.

I felt so good about myself yesterday (Saturday - which is still today to me as I have yet to go to sleep). I weighed at 239! That's the first time I have been below 240 in a really long time, and I am more than proud of myself. I've been telling pretty much everyone (well, of my friends at least). It feels so great to be on this track.

Exercise this week:
75 minutes of yoga and
45 minutes of walking.

I've been working a lot this week, so it has cut into my walking time. I did want to go to the gym to work out after work, but I've been exhausted from waking up really early and going to be really late. Tomorrow will be another one of those days, but I hope it is the last of its kind for a while.

This upcoming week, I'm hoping for rest, more walking time with friends, more yoga, and that I will be able to sign up for the belly dancing class with some of my friends! They love it, and I'm really interested. It would be really good for me. All of this would be great for me.

I've been cooking some really amazing food lately, too. Maybe that is what has helped a bit. Whatever it is, it's working!

Not in the highest of spirits, I'm afraid.

It may be coming off steroids that is making me a little down about my health tonight. I'm sure it will be alright in a matter of a day or 2, so I'm not worried about my outlook. We have our days, I guess.

This week, however, I feel that I've been extremely productive and active. It has been a busy week, but I feel accomplished. My house is dirty again, and I'm not too excited about that, but hopefully, I can fix that tonight.

I weighed just now and my new scale rang in at 248. It had said 242.5 about 2 days ago, but that's alright. I'll get there. I'm really just worried about getting back on a better eating routine since the medication and birthday parties have given me a little eddy to play in for a week. Here's hoping tomorrow will push the reset button. It's all mental.

As far as exercise goes, I have done. . .
90 minutes of walking and
30 minutes of dancing.

It's been a pretty good week as far as exercise, so I'm excited about that. I've been challenging myself to clean a lot and dance while cleaning. I'm trying to put more movement and fun into my everyday activities. It will be nice, though, when I live somewhere with a dishwasher so I can spend more time dancing in my kitchen than washing dishes!

Friend, I hope you've had a really good week!

Yay! She's back! :)

Hello, my friend - I'm glad you're back! I knew you hadn't left me.

So, my scale hasn't worked since before I left for Georgia, so I'm going to return it soon. I don't understand scales.

The past few days have probably put some weight on me seeing as my extremely high dose of Prednisone causes me to be ravenously hungry. Thank God I'm at a camp on a church getaway. I brought my own food, and it's pretty healthy considering I had to get it ready made from Whole Foods. I was running around doctors' offices and pharmacies right before I left and didn't have a chance to cook what I wanted to bring. I was kind of sad about that, actually, but oh well. What can I do about it now?

This week, as far as exercise goes, I've done. . .
45 minutes of walking and
30 minutes of hiking.

Not too bad, all things considered. It was kind of a rough week in spots, but I managed to get by and my eye is doing so much better (thank you, compounded drugs)! I'm just hoping my overeating won't continue when I get back home. I'm planning on getting a bike this week, so maybe that will do something for me. Who knows?

Bike season approaching.

I think I'm returning my scale soon. I'm tired of it being a teenager to me.

I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate myself on not gaining weight over the holidays! I believe that is the first, and I know if I lasted through this one, I'm sure to last through more. I did indulge a bit in some wine on New Year's and drunkenly ate chips and queso like I had never eaten before, but I'm not beating myself up. It was really difficult to resist the rainbow chip cupcakes my brother made for my nephew's birthday. They were impressed, though.

That's why I'm doing this. I'm doing this so my family can see that change can happen, even in the small things. I want to show my mother that she doesn't have to end up like her mother, bless her heart. She's not doing so great and it is tearing me up. Some people just never get it. But I get it. I want to show my mom that she can play with my children one day when she's 85 and not sit alone in her assisted living apartment unable to move much. That broke my heart, but I can't dwell on it.

I'm learning so much just by observing things and the strength to refuse things politely. People understand more than I had ever imagined. I'm taking mental notes of how much change I've made, and it is so nice to have friends who encourage and support me. Some of them keep me in line, so that's nice, too.

Exercise wise, I've done about
30 minutes of car dancing and
30 minutes of walking.

Chuck is moving to a house down the street (or so he thinks), and I walked to see him yesterday. It was a nice, little stroll over there and back. It's about 6 blocks, so it isn't bad at all. I hope he moves there because it will be a nice motivation to be active and see my new best friend.

I've thrown myself into cooking more lately. It feels good. It tastes REALLY good! I hope I don't get lazy, though. Laziness is the root of all evil, or at least, for me it is.

Oh, and I should be getting a bike soon! I'm excited about that.

Does running around with children count?

So far, last week, I have done. . .
30 min. of playing around with kids/dogs (if that even counts)
and about 30 min. of car dancing.

I weighed this morning and it was 243, so that's not bad. I think my scale at home weighs me less for some strange reason that I won't argue with.

It's good to be with family and friends right now.
It's not so fun to resist cupcakes on my nephew's birthday, though.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?