Bike season approaching.

I think I'm returning my scale soon. I'm tired of it being a teenager to me.

I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate myself on not gaining weight over the holidays! I believe that is the first, and I know if I lasted through this one, I'm sure to last through more. I did indulge a bit in some wine on New Year's and drunkenly ate chips and queso like I had never eaten before, but I'm not beating myself up. It was really difficult to resist the rainbow chip cupcakes my brother made for my nephew's birthday. They were impressed, though.

That's why I'm doing this. I'm doing this so my family can see that change can happen, even in the small things. I want to show my mother that she doesn't have to end up like her mother, bless her heart. She's not doing so great and it is tearing me up. Some people just never get it. But I get it. I want to show my mom that she can play with my children one day when she's 85 and not sit alone in her assisted living apartment unable to move much. That broke my heart, but I can't dwell on it.

I'm learning so much just by observing things and the strength to refuse things politely. People understand more than I had ever imagined. I'm taking mental notes of how much change I've made, and it is so nice to have friends who encourage and support me. Some of them keep me in line, so that's nice, too.

Exercise wise, I've done about
30 minutes of car dancing and
30 minutes of walking.

Chuck is moving to a house down the street (or so he thinks), and I walked to see him yesterday. It was a nice, little stroll over there and back. It's about 6 blocks, so it isn't bad at all. I hope he moves there because it will be a nice motivation to be active and see my new best friend.

I've thrown myself into cooking more lately. It feels good. It tastes REALLY good! I hope I don't get lazy, though. Laziness is the root of all evil, or at least, for me it is.

Oh, and I should be getting a bike soon! I'm excited about that.

Addiction and Health

I have an acquaintance who comes by my work on his way to an AA meeting. I deeply admire this man for his commitment to bettering himself by recognizing his weakness and tackling it head on, even if pride and social situations may hinder that for most. He inspires me every time I talk to him to continue to keep my health in my best interest, and I went in to his place of business last night, Torchy's Tacos - my favorite place to eat in Austin - and gave him a ridiculous order. When I sat down to wait, we talked for a bit, and I explained to him my medical situation and he understood. I realized we are both struggling with addictions and we have to face every day with the decision of whether or not to feed them or deny them for our overall well being.

That said, I went to a wedding tonight and I had some wine and champagne. Phil's Ice House was catering burgers and chicken sandwiches. I had a piece of chicken and a hamburger patty. Both of them were wrapped with lettuce. I went back for sweet potato fries later and gave my regular potato fries to sweet, little Audrey. There were cake and cupcakes. I wanted them, but I am too weak to have a taste. The drinking I could have done without one or 2, but I allowed myself to indulge in those instead of attacking the wedding cake. For me right now, one bite = a month-long carb and sweets craving, it seems.

Work has been difficult lately because I keep wanting to take an extra pastry out for myself. I used to do that, but it is getting a little easier. I just know how great things taste and I want them all the time. I can't, though.

More and more people are beginning to find out about my situation, and I'm glad. It isn't anything to be ashamed of, but it does feel a little strange when it is such an open topic around strangers. I don't mind it so much, really, but I do know that the more my closest friends know, the more they can be mindful to help keep me in the mindset I am in and help me stay on track. I need the support right now.

Another thing to note is that I have been extremely busy lately, and busy makes me eat out more. I've been pretty strict for the most part, but I hope I can continue that for when I go home on Thursday. I may need to get something extra for when I go visit my g-ma and that side of the family next weekend. I am really excited!

My scale isn't working today. It likes to be a bit temperamental, but I weighed a few days ago and it was something like 246. Not too bad!

As far as exercising goes, I worked out a LOT on my birthday, which was really awesome. (Oh and I had some ice cream on my birthday and some sopapilla! It was super yummy but not too much.)

This past week, I have done. . .
1 hour of yoga
and 45 minutes of workout at 24-hour fitness.

This week, I've already got some dancing under my belt from, so bring on the exercise!