It's easy? That's weird.

I feel like I've finally come to the point where this "dieting" - rather, lifestyle change - feels kind of easy. I've read the South Beach Diet a few times, and this last time, I feel like something finally snapped and it almost seems natural.

I guess a big part of that is accepting the fact that this is going to be the rest of my life. That means, in a nutshell, I will have relatively the same eating habits for 60+ years. That's a really, really long time, and instead of looking at it like "God, do I really have to conform to the same foods for 60 years?!" (which isn't completely true) I look at it like "Hey, I'll get to run around with my grandchildren in 60 years instead of having my limbs removed from bad circulation from diabetes!" Granted, my case is a lot worse than some of my family members. It seems that when I got passed down the wonderful genes, it was saturated and therefore about 2 times the evil than for anyone else. And that's fine. It's a challenge! I love challenges, and this one I can overcome. I might even write a book about it one day. (I've been on an "I'm gonna write a book!" kick lately.)

Yesterday, I went to the doctor. They weighed me on the first visit, which was sometime this Summer. It was 250. I knew it was probably in that range, which is why weighing at the doctor during the holidays was sooo much *fun* (especially seeing her push it to 262). They weighed me yesterday at 251 (with clothes on), and the nurse was actually proud of me. (Same nurse who was kind of hitting on me one time... and shortly after started wearing a wedding band... Yeah.) It felt good to only have gained 1 lb, when I know in reality I gained a lot and lost a lot. It's just a really great feeling.

Pretty much my whole family is on a diet. I'm not sure how some of the diets will work out in the long run, but I am really encouraged that all of us are trying so hard to be healthy. This is probably the first time we've actually talked a bit more about exercise, too, and that's the part that makes me really pumped up about all of this. We have come to know ourselves as a sedentary eaters. We've more or less defined ourselves as such, which is so unhealthy, safe to say. I just get so excited that at least 9 of us have fairly recently made the commitment to take care of ourselves, and we are doing it together. Yes, some of us are on a bet, but it still works out that we are doing it together and that we talk about it. My cousin Austin just called me not too long ago to congratulate me on losing 12 lbs.! She has lost the same amount, and I am really proud of both of us. Another thing I'm really enjoying is our ability to be open and vulnerable with each other. We are posting our weight on the Facebook group, and weight is such a taboo thing to share. I'm just really happy for us. I truly hope this continues. It will be interesting to see how different holiday meals will be for us this upcoming year!

So, 13 lbs. down, 7 lbs. to go for my first mini goal, and 58 lbs. to go for my main goal. Feelin' good in the neighborhood! :)

A week later, I feel AMAZING!

I weighed at my doctor's about 2 weeks ago. It was 262. Today, I'm 253, so that's 9 lbs. lighter and I feel great already! My body doesn't ache nearly as much as it used to, and I've only lost 9 lbs. That's just crazy! But it's great. And I'll continue to do it.

I haven't done as much exercise since I've gotten back as I planned on doing, but that isn't an "I give up" thing, it's an "I'll do better" thing instead. I went bike shopping yesterday, and I may get one Monday or Tuesday, depending on a few factors, but definitely this week.

Something I found interesting yesterday was how easy it was to ride! I tried to ride the shitty bike Jason let me borrow (it's from Wal-mart and it's absolutely horrible) and I had a really tough time riding it. When I test rode some new bikes yesterday, they were SO EASY to ride! It was amazing the difference a good bike can make. I'm pretty excited about this new addition to my life. I think it will be really great for not only myself but also the environment. I live in an area that has so many wonderful things, and whenever I drive to them, it makes me feel not just lazy but very inconsiderate because I live so close yet I use my car to get there. I'm excited about the bike.

I'm excited about life. This is going to be good!

Another thing I think is really cool is that I'm trying all of these new dishes at restaurants I either have loved for a long time or have never been to before, and I gotta say, it has surely opened my eyes. I didn't realize the fish fajita at Polvo's would be THAT good, but it was incredible! I'm getting surprises every time I go out, and I definitely love surprises, especially those regarding food. (Food is just so great.) So, instead of feeling deprived, I feel adventurous, and that's something I am really having fun with.

Oh, and there's a bet going on. I had the idea to challenge my older brothers (we all love a good competition) to a weight loss competition, and I did this for 2 reasons: to help myself keep my healthy habits ongoing for more than 3 months and to have the support of someone else trying really hard with me. My brother, Chris, got his wife, Kristy, and her mom in on it, too, so now whoever wins the pot gets $800. The goal is to lose the most BMI/be the healthiest by Christmas 2010. I've already started and I'm doing really well. Chris and the gang start Monday, and I don't know when Reid starts, but what matters here is that we are doing something really great for ourselves together. Maybe one day, Owen and Evan can look back on what we've done and have a greater sense of family and what it takes to take care of ourselves while taking care of each other. In turn, hopefully, they can take notes and learn from our mistakes so they don't end up like the rest of America - fat, lazy, and full of health problems (there's more wrong with America, but I'll just touch on those things for the sake of argument).

Today sparks week 2 of my "lifestyle change," and I've gotten so much support from everyone that it is unbelievable. I've come to find that the people who love you want to see you succeed and they will do all they can to help you along the way. The truth is, however, that it's up to the individual to make the ultimate decision. I believe in myself and my capabilities. I've been entrusted with some really great things for my life, and I will fight to see them through - especially this part. My friend Courtney says, "2010, in for the win!" and I can't help but echo her on this voyage.

Bike season approaching.

I think I'm returning my scale soon. I'm tired of it being a teenager to me.

I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate myself on not gaining weight over the holidays! I believe that is the first, and I know if I lasted through this one, I'm sure to last through more. I did indulge a bit in some wine on New Year's and drunkenly ate chips and queso like I had never eaten before, but I'm not beating myself up. It was really difficult to resist the rainbow chip cupcakes my brother made for my nephew's birthday. They were impressed, though.

That's why I'm doing this. I'm doing this so my family can see that change can happen, even in the small things. I want to show my mother that she doesn't have to end up like her mother, bless her heart. She's not doing so great and it is tearing me up. Some people just never get it. But I get it. I want to show my mom that she can play with my children one day when she's 85 and not sit alone in her assisted living apartment unable to move much. That broke my heart, but I can't dwell on it.

I'm learning so much just by observing things and the strength to refuse things politely. People understand more than I had ever imagined. I'm taking mental notes of how much change I've made, and it is so nice to have friends who encourage and support me. Some of them keep me in line, so that's nice, too.

Exercise wise, I've done about
30 minutes of car dancing and
30 minutes of walking.

Chuck is moving to a house down the street (or so he thinks), and I walked to see him yesterday. It was a nice, little stroll over there and back. It's about 6 blocks, so it isn't bad at all. I hope he moves there because it will be a nice motivation to be active and see my new best friend.

I've thrown myself into cooking more lately. It feels good. It tastes REALLY good! I hope I don't get lazy, though. Laziness is the root of all evil, or at least, for me it is.

Oh, and I should be getting a bike soon! I'm excited about that.

Addiction and Health

I have an acquaintance who comes by my work on his way to an AA meeting. I deeply admire this man for his commitment to bettering himself by recognizing his weakness and tackling it head on, even if pride and social situations may hinder that for most. He inspires me every time I talk to him to continue to keep my health in my best interest, and I went in to his place of business last night, Torchy's Tacos - my favorite place to eat in Austin - and gave him a ridiculous order. When I sat down to wait, we talked for a bit, and I explained to him my medical situation and he understood. I realized we are both struggling with addictions and we have to face every day with the decision of whether or not to feed them or deny them for our overall well being.

That said, I went to a wedding tonight and I had some wine and champagne. Phil's Ice House was catering burgers and chicken sandwiches. I had a piece of chicken and a hamburger patty. Both of them were wrapped with lettuce. I went back for sweet potato fries later and gave my regular potato fries to sweet, little Audrey. There were cake and cupcakes. I wanted them, but I am too weak to have a taste. The drinking I could have done without one or 2, but I allowed myself to indulge in those instead of attacking the wedding cake. For me right now, one bite = a month-long carb and sweets craving, it seems.

Work has been difficult lately because I keep wanting to take an extra pastry out for myself. I used to do that, but it is getting a little easier. I just know how great things taste and I want them all the time. I can't, though.

More and more people are beginning to find out about my situation, and I'm glad. It isn't anything to be ashamed of, but it does feel a little strange when it is such an open topic around strangers. I don't mind it so much, really, but I do know that the more my closest friends know, the more they can be mindful to help keep me in the mindset I am in and help me stay on track. I need the support right now.

Another thing to note is that I have been extremely busy lately, and busy makes me eat out more. I've been pretty strict for the most part, but I hope I can continue that for when I go home on Thursday. I may need to get something extra for when I go visit my g-ma and that side of the family next weekend. I am really excited!

My scale isn't working today. It likes to be a bit temperamental, but I weighed a few days ago and it was something like 246. Not too bad!

As far as exercising goes, I worked out a LOT on my birthday, which was really awesome. (Oh and I had some ice cream on my birthday and some sopapilla! It was super yummy but not too much.)

This past week, I have done. . .
1 hour of yoga
and 45 minutes of workout at 24-hour fitness.

This week, I've already got some dancing under my belt from, so bring on the exercise!