Vacation! Part 1

I went on vacation last week, and I think I maintained my weight - maybe even lost a few pounds? Who knows. I'm not keeping up with that aspect quite as much as how I feel. Let me just say, I feel aaaaaaamazinggggg!!!! More on that later as I want to report on some obstacles that I happily overcame this past week away.

Myself and 4 of my friends piled into a Toyota Corolla [Read: Super cramped, y'all.] and made our way over to the beautiful, picturesque mountains of Lake Lure, NC. The drive there took about 21 hours, so we knew ahead of time that because we (well, most of us) are 1) broke and 2) severely watching what we eat that we should pack a few things for the road there. I felt pretty good about my food decisions on the way there. My parents are pretty much the most generous, kind hearted people on the planet, and they provided food for all 5 of us and one more of my friends who joined us there (she's from SC, so her drive was much shorter) along with the rest of my family who was there/going to be there. I'm pretty sure they win some kind of award for being so great but they would never tell us because, well, they are that awesome! Anyway... (I love my family!)

We ventured to Asheville for the day and checked out every shop we felt was fun, which was a lot. After walking around, making some purchases, and listening to a hippie drum circle, I allowed myself to have 1.33 beers (Pitcher sharing! What what!) at the Lexington Avenue Brewery (a "gastropub" my roommate termed it) and I was about 2 seconds away from getting everything on the appetizer menu. And the dessert menu. It just seemed like the natural thing to do, right? To celebrate your vacation in the mountains with your friends so far away from home, especially after making some amazing purchases like a vintage Dior hat (You'll die when you see it. Seriously.) and some really amazing fascinators... But no. Beer was celebration enough.

After getting a little sloshy [Read: Cheap date.], we decided upon a restaurant that was delicious, budget-friendly (hah!), and had little waiting, so we went to Boca. I probably had a little too much of our friend Lindie's calamari, but I didn't order my own, so that was a big step. If you know me, you know I love calamari. I used to get it at every restaurant that had it. (I wonder why I weighed 250...) The first thing I saw on the menu (ahem - apart from the calamari) was the scallop and watermelon salad. Those are 2 of my other most favorite things, and since my mom is allergic to scallops (The food allergies in my family will make you weep.), it was a no brainer. No other thing on the menu compared to that, so that's what I ordered.

Boca is pretty great at presentation, but this salad tasted even better than it looked. I try to stay away from salads in restaurants simply because I can usually make them at home a lot better and less expensive than in the restaurant, but this was worth every penny. The bed of arugula tossed in a lemon-olive oil vinaigrette was a perfect foundation for sprinkles of almond slivers above it, resting just beneath watermelon triangles smeared with sweet, soft goat cheese and slightly charred scallops. I could tell that perhaps there was some raw sugar that had been caramelized on the scallops, not too much to make a huge difference, but nonetheless, I could have done without. Some balsamic vinegar topped it off to exquisite perfection and it felt like home in your mouth. *Pause for a nostalgic, culinary tear* Ugh... So, so good.

Some of our group was really digging the idea of dessert, and the salad was so good that I wanted to top it off, but I knew I had to be strong. Sweet treats were being discussed and my cravings were rising, so I excused myself and walked down to the nearest coffee shop to grab something - anything - that I could at least hold onto. They were closing so I got a drip coffee with cream, but it was almost painful to watch them eat their peaches and cream cheesecake and chocolate torte. I survived, though, and it was time to return to the cabin just an hour down the road.

This day felt like a huge victory for me because I am one who loves to celebrate - and in the worst of ways! I like to celebrate when something major happens, when something semi-major happens, and even when I finally clean the kitchen. My life is all about luxury and celebration, but I'm in a place now where luxury has to come later and celebration has its moments, too. I'm learning what it means to truly reward myself instead of giving into my self-indulgences. It's not easy, but these little things will add up and the reward will be the end result itself.

One thing I keep repeating to myself (especially in these instances) and to others whenever the moments arise is that I love myself more than I love _________ [Insert forbidden food/drink here.]. I love my happiness and my future more than I love __________. Ultimately, whatever _________ is causes an imbalance in my body and usually causes depression in one way or another (read back a few posts if you need more clarification on that), and I love this feeling that I have now - this feeling of empowerment, of strength, of clarity, of focus, of happiness, of self-awareness, of resilience, of Super Woman - more than one bad decision that can take it away. I slip up a little bit, as I am human and I am allowed to err, but in a conscious, healthy-minded decision making process, I want to choose me and my best self over anything else. I'm seeing how this is translating to other areas of my life, so I'm feeling healthier in all aspects of my life these days, and I am really excited for the future and my future successes that are to come.

So, that was my first real day of vacation! I'll share more of the rest of the week soon. <3.

Routine and I don't get along.

Why is it so incredibly difficult to stick with a routine? I guess we are all creatures of habit, and my habit is that I do every day differently. I like that. However, it may no longer be healthy for me. So where does that leave me? Not in a good place.

I found out that becoming a Nia instructor is quite costly, so that's out for a while. There is a Zumba Basics 1 class - in Charleston - that I could take, but I don't know how that would go over. I think that needs to be a goal for next year, seeing as I have very limited funds. The truth is that I will have even more limited funds next year, but we will cross that bridge as it ices over.

I took a vacation and gained a bunch of weight. I felt really horrible most of the trip because I wasn't making the right choices that are best for my body. It's strange/awesome how I've learned a lot about listening to what your body tells you and taking some sort of initiative toward correcting what may be upsetting it. The Deep South is full of fried food and other stuff that isn't very good for you, so I had my share of battered and ugly for a while. I had some major damage control upon my return, and a trainer to kick my ass back into "shape."

So, I really love Erin - for many reasons. I knew what I had done on vacation and how it was going to effect me. I asked her if she was mad and she said she wasn't, but that I should be mad at myself. After that, I really was angry with myself, but glad that she said that and didn't blatantly point fingers. Her gentle honesty really put things into perspective for me. It's amazing how easily I can lose sight of that.

One thing that Erin tells me that I try so hard to remember every time I'm in a situation is that the bad things are like poison for my body. She also says that one day I can have that stuff on special occasions, but that I should limit my intake for now. It's difficult to hear that when you have a sweet tooth as big as mine, but it's very important advice for the future.

I'm hopeful. I keep giving this a shot, and I think as long as I keep trying that that's what matters the most. It's easier to give up, to be honest, but I am actually tired of giving up. I want this healthy routine. I have a future that I want to be brighter than ever, and the decisions I make today - and every day - are going to secure that.

Something I've been doing more often now is visualizing the future. I want to see a happy, healthy me who doesn't have to contend with back pain when there are little ones running around. I want to see an organized me. I want to see an even more creative me because all of these other things are in place. I want to see an inspired clientele, a thriving business, a warm, healthy home, and friends who don't worry about me. (I think I've given everyone a heart attack lately about different things. It's not intentional, but I have issues that pile up that make the people I love the most really nervous.)

So, I'm trying to do an overhaul of everything. I am cleaning out a lot of clutter to do some emotional purging because I've been watching "Hoarders" and "Hoarding: Buried Alive," and I identify with a lot of the people on these shows. I have always just accumulated - stuff, friends, pounds, love, etc. - and I think there's a lot of good when you stop accumulating and, in some cases, start giving things away. I've given a lot of stuff to my friend Becky and to Goodwill to give myself more room to breathe. I've cut some ties with friends recently because they were poisonous relationships. I've gotten over past relationships because the things I held onto were, again, poisonous for my future relationships. I've been losing weight because the extra weight is contributing to a disease I am on the verge of having. I've been giving away more love instead of hoarding it because, well, it's just the right thing to do.

My hopes are that I will engage in a healthy routine to get me through the next 24 years of life and beyond. I want to make friends with this concept and let it carry me, relying on it and not allowing myself to give into the pressures of the world around me that can so easily taunt me into eating the forbidden fruits. I need to take it one day at a time. I really believe that I will get there.

A week later, I feel AMAZING!

I weighed at my doctor's about 2 weeks ago. It was 262. Today, I'm 253, so that's 9 lbs. lighter and I feel great already! My body doesn't ache nearly as much as it used to, and I've only lost 9 lbs. That's just crazy! But it's great. And I'll continue to do it.

I haven't done as much exercise since I've gotten back as I planned on doing, but that isn't an "I give up" thing, it's an "I'll do better" thing instead. I went bike shopping yesterday, and I may get one Monday or Tuesday, depending on a few factors, but definitely this week.

Something I found interesting yesterday was how easy it was to ride! I tried to ride the shitty bike Jason let me borrow (it's from Wal-mart and it's absolutely horrible) and I had a really tough time riding it. When I test rode some new bikes yesterday, they were SO EASY to ride! It was amazing the difference a good bike can make. I'm pretty excited about this new addition to my life. I think it will be really great for not only myself but also the environment. I live in an area that has so many wonderful things, and whenever I drive to them, it makes me feel not just lazy but very inconsiderate because I live so close yet I use my car to get there. I'm excited about the bike.

I'm excited about life. This is going to be good!

Another thing I think is really cool is that I'm trying all of these new dishes at restaurants I either have loved for a long time or have never been to before, and I gotta say, it has surely opened my eyes. I didn't realize the fish fajita at Polvo's would be THAT good, but it was incredible! I'm getting surprises every time I go out, and I definitely love surprises, especially those regarding food. (Food is just so great.) So, instead of feeling deprived, I feel adventurous, and that's something I am really having fun with.

Oh, and there's a bet going on. I had the idea to challenge my older brothers (we all love a good competition) to a weight loss competition, and I did this for 2 reasons: to help myself keep my healthy habits ongoing for more than 3 months and to have the support of someone else trying really hard with me. My brother, Chris, got his wife, Kristy, and her mom in on it, too, so now whoever wins the pot gets $800. The goal is to lose the most BMI/be the healthiest by Christmas 2010. I've already started and I'm doing really well. Chris and the gang start Monday, and I don't know when Reid starts, but what matters here is that we are doing something really great for ourselves together. Maybe one day, Owen and Evan can look back on what we've done and have a greater sense of family and what it takes to take care of ourselves while taking care of each other. In turn, hopefully, they can take notes and learn from our mistakes so they don't end up like the rest of America - fat, lazy, and full of health problems (there's more wrong with America, but I'll just touch on those things for the sake of argument).

Today sparks week 2 of my "lifestyle change," and I've gotten so much support from everyone that it is unbelievable. I've come to find that the people who love you want to see you succeed and they will do all they can to help you along the way. The truth is, however, that it's up to the individual to make the ultimate decision. I believe in myself and my capabilities. I've been entrusted with some really great things for my life, and I will fight to see them through - especially this part. My friend Courtney says, "2010, in for the win!" and I can't help but echo her on this voyage.