Food Fight!

"You are forthright and fearless," a former love interest told me in an email years ago, and he was definitely right! Throughout my life, I've carried a reputation that I'm bold, daring, and perhaps a bit crazy due to my perceived fearlessness, but I have to tell you that right now I'm really scared.

When I was at Berry College, one of my first papers for Rhetoric & Writing was about the genetic modification of food. To be honest, I didn't want to write the paper, not just because I didn't like writing papers (most of the battle) but because I just didn't care. We were supposed to argue for or against the genetic modification of food, and I was going to choose the pro side until I started researching and found that I absolutely could not argue in favor. One thing I learned in my research was that allergens are derived from proteins of the food source, which is why people can be allergic to all different kinds of foods. I concluded that there is a greater, very dangerous risk for averse reactions when GMO foods are consumed just by the allergen issue alone. I grew up with a father who was allergic to several different meats, so I learned to be very sensitive to food allergies at a young age. This idea that GMO's could make matters worse was a problem that hit home for me, literally. All of a sudden, I started to care. That was about 10 years ago.

I'm not an expert in anything, but I do have a voice where I share my concern. It's no surprise to me that there are so many seemingly new flavors of food intolerances, food allergies, and other issues (like cancer, for example) regarding the way our bodies process what we eat since so much of our food supply has been either genetically modified or stripped of all of its nutritional value - and why? To save a buck? To "feed the world"? Well, guess what - the rest of the world doesn't want this food or the seeds from which they grow! [Read here, here, and here, for starters.]  They don't want to be obese like Americans (I know I don't have to go into statistics here.) and they don't want frankenfoods because they know they're dangerous. We are the malnourished and the infirm, and we've done this to ourselves by allowing it to happen. It's time we make it right.

I don't know if it's true, but I've been told that Monsanto, the main company associated with biotech foods, has an agenda to reduce the human race by a large percentage. (I'm paraphrasing here.) My non-conspiracy theorist brain says, "Whateverrrrr. People don't really want to do that! That's just ridiculous, and quite a big statement." On the flipside, I see what they're doing, and by their clearly evil and stealthy plans, I wonder... Maybe it is true. Genocide through your utensils. Clever, Monsanto. (Where the hell is Batman?!)

But wait! There's more! As Monsanto spoon-feeds the human race its deliciously genetically modified frankenveggies, they become power hungry as well! They employ child labor and maintain rigid control over seed supplies, pushing Indian farmers to suicide. Meanwhile, as they destroy people's lives all over the world (as evidenced above but please feel free to use your own research skills), they are also outlawed legally protected in the United Sta- EXCUSE ME, WHAT?! That only makes sense if we were living in the Twilight Zone, and I gotta tell ya, it sure feels like it right now. But yes, they are protected in the good ol' U. S. of A. because they've got friends in very, very high places, but hopefully, we can change that. Your dollar is your vote, and this Saturday there is a worldwide March Against Monsanto, and I encourage everyone to participate in your local marches. This is so important, and I really hope you will stand with me in solidarity for the future of our food.

So, I might be scared but I'm not scared in the sense that I'm going to hide myself and wish it would all go away. (You should know me better than that!) I'm scared enough to act boldly and proudly in support of natural, healthy food sources - the way it was intended by Nature (freakin' duh.) - grown by happy, healthy (Well, that's their choice, but roll with me.) farmers. That's the future I see.

This has been a very Angry Sugar post. :)

Monsanto, don't fuck with a fat girl's food supply. You're going down.

My MS150

I DID IT!!!!! Well, I did most of it, but still - I DID IT!!! And you get to read allllllll about it!

When I was younger, I never thought of myself as an athlete although I tried every sport possible. I was fat, I was slow, and I didn't always understand the game because I wasn't allowed to play much given the first 2 things. I just didn't think I had any athletic capacity until I started training for the MS150 and did the Mellow Johnny's Saturday scout-a-route with Stephanie and Julie. I was having some issues since I was on a hybrid [Read: Really heavy and generally a bit slower than road bikes.] and I didn't know quite what to do until Julie stayed back a bit to help me get better acquainted with the route and the bike. She did more than she realizes! She helped me understand that I am actually really, really strong, pretty fast, and very capable of doing long distances with some speed. Apparently, I am pretty athletic! (Thanks for that, Julie!) That ride was actually the longest I'd done in one day before the MS150: 25 miles. Saturday, April 20, I completed 70 miles. Sunday, April 21, I completed 40 miles, making my grand total of 110 miles, just a bit shy of the total mileage of our route! I feel like a different person after finishing the MS150, complete with brand new thighs as if I traded in the other ones for super powered ones. (I was walking kind of like a baby gazelle with new legs the first few days after! If you need a visual, watch this video for a few seconds.)

I'll be honest, I was pretty nervous. I had been nervous about it for months, trying to curb it with different flavors of psychobabble like, "It's only 2 days out of my life," and "I am great at recovery," and "It's not as bad as it seems, I'm sure." I found out that I was exactly right: it was only 2 days out of my life, I am great at recovery, and it was no where near as bad as it seems! Way to go on that self-talk, Anslee! (Breathing exercises really came in handy, too.) Coming out of the experience, I have a sense of pride and accomplishment like never, ever, ever before.

The weekend was so much fun! Being apart of a team, and I'll get to some more of this later, was really awesome for me as I haven't been a team player since I was in 10th grade. There were fun moments like when my teammate Hannah gave me a drive-by Clif bar because mine had fallen out of my pocket, when I saved the day during a road-side tire change with the use of my foot pump, and the big slumber party the first night of the ride, complete with the best shower I've ever experienced in my life and the most beautiful display of food and love imaginable. Everyone was so encouraging and so much fun, and the fact that the team was part of my church was really important to me as my church community has been a strong support system for me since I found them around the time that I moved to Austin. They were there when I wanted to run a 5k. They were there for my first fashion show. They were there for countless other events and milestones in my life, and they were definitely there for the MS150.

Most of the route was made up of back roads, roaming through the countryside with cows and farmland and the occasional lingering skunk (Mmm!), so the scenery made for a beautiful ride most of the way. I had to remind myself to look around every now and then to really take it all in, providing a very nice break from the constant, "You can do this. Only a few more miles. Don't think about parts of your body that feel like they are burning/numb right now." Along the way, people were cheering us on from their homes, sides of the road, lawn chairs, tractors, pop up DJ booths, you name it! One family filled their tractor with ice, water, Gatorade, and Natural Light for riders, and invited us to "pop a squat" if we needed to behind their trucks. I will say it was the best Natty Light I've ever had in my life!

Not only was it physically challenging, it was mentally challenging as well, and if you're going to do a ride like that, you should be comfortable with your own thoughts because that is really all you have unless someone is right beside you talking to you the whole way. On the same token, the ride provided a great mental break from life for me. Most of my thoughts were, "You can do it!" "You are a beautiful athlete, Anslee Nicole Connell!" (Yes, sometimes I talk to myself in my head as if my mom were talking to me.) "Just __ miles until the next stop!" "It's like a ride downtown and back, NBD!" Anything I could say to myself to keep pedaling, I said it, and at times, I said it out loud. Saturday night, I realized I didn't think about anything that day that had been bothering me before. I didn't think (a whole lot) about my best friend living in Boston with the bombings and chaos that week. I didn't think about the work I was unable to finish before I left. I didn't think about my bank account balance. I didn't think about Austin Fashion Week or Renegade or how I'm going to make everything I need to make for my business in May. None of that filled my brain because there simply wasn't room for it. I needed every single brain cell to vibrate, "Keep pedaling! You can do it!"

Speaking of mind chatter, a realization I had on the ride may have been a turning point in my life. Back up a few weeks ago to a conversation I had with a close friend of mine when we were talking about giving each other space when we need it. "It's almost like you think you're going to be left behind," he said. I responded with silence because that was the idea I was used to: I always felt left behind. Fast forward to the ride weekend, and the first day I was mostly left behind because I was slower by default as I was on a hybrid and I'm sure for other reasons, too. It didn't bother me that day because I expected it and I turned it into a grand journey the whole way. The second day was a different story, even though that expectation was there, and I almost didn't make it. I sent a text to my group saying that I wasn't sure if I could do it that day when I stopped to have an emotional breakdown in the first couple of miles. I felt extremely disconnected and it was really tough. I remember very specifically thinking, "I do not feel supported and I do not feel safe." A very kind bike martial, named Richard, rode with me to the stop ahead, after so graciously rescuing me in my distress, and at the stop I shared some of my concerns with Angel, another awesome teammate. She just listened and empathized, even though we both knew my issues and frustrations were with myself and not with the team as a whole. She encouraged me and went on her way while I took the bus to the lunch stop and allowed my heart a rest. I met up with the group for lunch and set out a little early so they could pass me in a few miles.

Here's where the turning point in my story happens. After a rough morning of feelings of self-doubt and abandonment, I decided to change my mind about being left behind because I accepted where I was physically, mentally, and emotionally. All I could do was my best, and that was what I set out to do for the rest of the ride to Austin. My team met up with me about a mile or so down the way, and something in me kicked into overdrive and I started to pedal hard. I reached the perfect cruising pace with them, keeping up mostly with Angel and Sam, and then I discovered that I was actually leading them for a bit! It was beautiful in that there I was just a little bit before, feeling sad and sorry for myself with thoughts of giving up my dream, until I decided to fully accept and support myself when they came along and I somehow turned into a leader. I didn't lead the rest of the ride, but that window of realization of my weakness being turned into my strength and being "left behind" was my choice in life turned this seemingly life-long struggle on its head. I choose to lead now, and I'm really excited about where I'm going, on and off the bike.

I couldn't have done the ride without my friends and family. All of my social media outlets combined with texts all day and into the night, I was constantly reminded that I really could do this ride, that I was doing a great job no matter what, and there were so many people behind me, cheering me on. I was especially excited to hear from Cynthia, my MS champion! She's a really cool lady, and I look forward to meeting her one day. My family really came through for me, and I was delighted to get so many texts from them, one in particular read, "Do what u can. We are proud of what u have accomplished to this point. You have gone farther than any Connell/Ball has gone before on any bike on the road to date. LVU." It was a proud moment for all of us, I believe! Thanks to everyone who came along on this ride with me in spirit, prayer, and words of love, and thanks to my team, especially our fearless and wonderful leader Rachel, for being so amazing, so loving, and so wonderfully graceful and encouraging the entire way.

Before My MS150 Ride

Normally, I post after an event, but I wanted to generate some excitement for this weekend, and perhaps some prayer as well for all those involved in the bike ride. I also have a few reflections since I have been riding my bike leading up to the event!

Before I begin: If you'd like to donate to the cause, go here and you can donate to my page or go to my team's page and you can find someone who may not have all of their funds raised!

A few years ago, I read this book by Donald Miller called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. It's basically a story about stories, and it's an incredible, inspiring read for everyone, even nonreligious, as it depicts the hearts of people who have their wonderful stories because they want a better story. (That's what I believe it to be, anyway, but it's been a while, so hey, read it yourself!) In this book, Miller talks about a bike tour he did, and I came out of it with an inspiration to do my own bike tour. There was only one thing: I didn't have a bike. Ok, there were 2 things: I didn't even know how to ride a bike. I, being the bright and resourceful person I am, had an epiphany! "Why don't I ask someone at my church - which is kind of well known as a "hipster church" with tons and tons of cyclists - if I could borrow a bike?!" Genius, right?! So, I asked around, and who else but the lead pastor, Gideon, hands me this really sweet Bianchi with a smile and probably a few wishes of good luck and such. Apparently, this bike was the village bicycle (not to be confused with any misogynistic references as this isn't that kind of church). A few members had ridden it, and it was entrusted to me to take this bike and give it another story - my story.

This was 3 years and about 30 pounds ago. I did not know anything about cycling and I did not exercise that much prior to this learning experience. Needless to say, I was a bit rusty. I rode around my apartment complex for what seemed like forever a few times, only to find that after huffing and puffing and blowing everything down, I had exerted all of my energy in... 15 minutes. Pumping up the tires was trying for me then! Seriously. I thought to myself, "How in the HELL am I going to do a tour like this?" I kept trying and kept trying, figuring out this foreign machine, talking to people about touring, following around beautiful men in cycling gear around Whole Foods and asking them for their information so we could talk cycling/touring.

And then, one morning when I was helping a temporary roommate move out, she looked over to where her bike had been chained up and said, "Where's my bike?" To which I said, "I don't know... OMGWHEREISMINE?!?!??!" Someone had hit up the complex the night before and got 5 bikes in our little block. It was devastating for everyone, but I felt the most of it. The village bicycle: gone. My touring dreams: deeply bruised. My guilt over the whole situation: magnified to the nth degree. I apologized to Gideon and everyone I knew who had ever ridden the bike, and continued a silent self-hatred over the whole thing for a few years, laying my dream to the side.

Up until now, we see a girl, 3 years younger than today, who is really out of shape, feeling guilty for someone else's wrong-doing, and allowing her dreams to be tarnished by an act of theft. Three years go by and she has run 2 5k's, had a personal trainer for a year, enrolled in boxing lessons, hiked up Chimney Rock, NC, twice, became a gym rat and circuit training "queen," done a 60-day juice fast, gone mostly-vegan, and done a Bikram yoga challenge. Today, this girl is the strongest she has ever, ever been by engaging in a spectrum of activities and fueling her body with beautiful fruits and veggies, meanwhile overcoming a life long of physical illnesses and I-cannot-do-this syndrome. Above all, she still dreams of touring on a bicycle, starting in Seattle and ending in Savannah, and this weekend - TOMORROW - she takes a giant leap toward that dream with the MS150 ride from Houston to Austin.

When my friend, Rachel Rische, announced at church that they were getting a team together for the MS150 ride, I knew that I would be overcoming so many things: my fear (which, I'll be honest, I still have shreds of leading up to tomorrow and Sunday), my mind, and my guilt. Last Sunday, I went up to Gideon and told him about my guilt, my shame, and my need for resolution. "I haven't even thought about it since you told me about it!" he said, gave me a big hug, and wished me well. [Cue: Sigh of relief!] I guess I just needed him to say it.

So, I need you, my dear reader, to know that I've done my best to ride bikes leading up to this weekend. My friend, Lindsay, graciously lent me her bike for the ride. I biked a lot during SXSW. [Check off that New Year's resolution from 3 years ago!] I tried riding on stationary bikes at the gym to get a feel for prolonged saddle time that mostly resulted in what I perceive is a bruised coccyx. I joined a cycling group, thanks to my friend Tawny Villain (Coolest name in the Universe!), called the Bikin' Betties where a bunch of seriously awesome ladies ride bikes and my 8-year-old I-wish-I-lived-in-a-neighborhood-so-I-could-ride-bikes-with-my-friends-and-feel-cool self is the happiest she has ever been. For the future, I'm envisioning a Savannah Red cycling group with matching outfits. I've done the scout-a-route and Tuesday Night Ladies' rides with Mellow Johnny's and met some super seriously kick ass people, and some who I believe are kick ass deep down inside they are just afraid to show it. I've gotten way too many flat tires for my taste, but hey, I'm still learning. (Huge shout out to Lee and Chalo and the rest of the guys at East Side Pedal Pushers for always taking care of me!) I've learned new ways to get around the city that I am in love with! I've even ridden past places I tried to bike around those 3 years ago, seeing mental images of myself making the most effort I could muster, and sending the old me a lot of love as I ride by with a smile of gratitude and love for who she was and who I am now.

I'm looking forward to this weekend with so much excitement, joy, and love, especially after this crazy week we've had, and there is something I haven't mentioned yet. I know that this cycling journey has been mostly about just my own obstacles that I've overcome, but I'm riding for multiple sclerosis as well, particularly for a woman named Cynthia. The money we raise for the ride goes to research, advocacy, and to help people like her and so many others to overcome the challenges they face every single day. When I received the packet that said I was riding for someone, I teared up because it is clearly not solely my journey, and it hasn't been even up until now. I'm honored to be apart of this journey with her, for her, to take my friend's bike as far as I can go - hopefully, the whole way to Austin - and defeat a million demons along the way for both of us. I ask for your prayers of love, support, safety, hydration, and anything else you can think of.

No matter what, I'm biking across that finish line in Austin somehow. I hope to see you there!

Bikram... Finally!

Have you ever experienced something so phenomenal that you didn't know exactly how to put it into words? That is Bikram yoga to me. Yes, it was hot. Yes, it hurt a bit. Yes, I did not want to go at times but made myself anyway. The 90-day challenge I signed up for literally changed my life in so many ways, and I'm really excited to share this experience.

Before I begin, I'd like to admit something. I realize I'm not exactly shy on this blog of mine, I pretty much just let it flow, but there are things I don't talk about sometimes because I don't know how to talk about them. From mid-December to mid-February, I found myself in a well of depression that I didn't fully understand. It was different than any other period of sadness before because I felt as though I just couldn't make myself do hardly anything. The only thing I felt I could do was Bikram yoga. There were 3 family deaths and 2 suicides of people I knew during this time period, and in the middle of that were what I saw as failure after failure after failure - in seemingly every aspect of my life - and for someone who comes from a family of overachievers and pushes herself to be at superhero level in every single thing that she does every single day (Seriously, this was literally my mindset.), each blow seemed debilitating and I felt trapped. Bikram yoga was my medicine, and I came out of that very dark time with so much self-respect, self-love, and healing than I'd ever imagined.

I don't think anyone can forget their first Bikram class! Instructors will say to new students at the end of class, "Congratulations! You'll never have to take your first Bikram yoga class again!" and everyone laughs, but it's true and it's probably the most amazing phrase you'll ever hear. It's pretty brutal, and I don't know how I signed up for the 90-day challenge right after the class ended, but I did. And there I was, the 2nd day of class, wondering what in the hell I'd gotten myself into.

I've done Bikram yoga on a full stomach. I've done it dehydrated. I've done it with a hangover. I've done it sleep-deprived. I've done it with headaches, stomach aches, sinus infections, allergies, and other ailments. I've done it mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. I've done it twice in one day. I've done it to escape my life. I've done it to save my life. I've done it on my birthday. I've done it alone. I've done it with friends. I've even done it with my shirt off! (This is now my preferred method as it's hard to go back to wearing more clothes when you sweat so much.) A 90-day challenge will push you to do whatever you can to make it to class every day. I learned exactly what not to do in the process, but at the same time, I learned a ton about hydration, time management, choices, sacrifices, values, and a ton of other things too many to list.

So, yeah, Bikram yoga is effin hot. 90 glorious minutes. 108-110 degrees. (104 on a good day if the instructor isn't paying attention!) The humidity is about 40-50%. If the class is small, you're super grateful because you can sweat in peace. If it's packed [Think: A tiny room that can barely fit 60 mats, side by side, end to end, with everyone dripping sweat.], just grin and bear it because there. will. be. someone. else's. sweat. on. you. After a while, you don't even know whose sweat belongs to whom. This was a slightly terrifying thought for me at the first experience of random-person-dribble, but I somehow learned to embrace it as though it was our secret handshake as if to say, "Hey, stranger! Nice to see you sweating your balls off! See you tomorrow, pal!" It's an intimate practice in more ways than one. ;) (Side note: My favorite practices are when there is someone in the room who sweats SO MUCH that when we get into tree pose, it sounds like a tiny waterfall is coming from their body. I LOVE IT! I not-secretly-now want to be one of those people one day because it shows that they are working hard and they're really, beautifully hydrated.)

As you may have read before, when I was 18, I herniated my L4/L5 spinal disc. For 9 years, I struggled with a relatively constant pain, some times more worse than others (like the times I could barely walk or sit comfortably or the time I somehow forced myself to crawl to the car to drive myself to the ER), but it became something I was just used to. It was a new normal, this pain I had. I was given strict orders by doctors to not dance or exercise too much to agitate it, even though I was advised to lose weight because that would decrease the pressure on the disc and make the pain lessen. (Catch 22 much?) I wasn't "allowed" to lift more than 15 lbs. at a time. I was advised not to wear high heels. Etc. Etc. Etc. That's all in the past now, thank God, because I believe with my entire being that practicing Bikram yoga healed my spine. There are 26 postures in Bikram that are repeated every single class in the same exact sequence, and most of them are spine bending postures. I have zero doubt in my mind that my body healed itself through these postures. I was told it would probably happen, but I wasn't sure until I came out of those 3 months feeling like I had a brand new back, most likely stronger than it has ever been. This is such a huge victory for me! My almost-decade of pain and struggle - gone. Can you imagine the tears I cried when I realized this? I'm getting emotional just writing about it. Bikram Choudhury developed this specific yoga practice in order to heal the body with the body, and seeing that manifest in real life, in my own body, was literally a dream come true.

My favorite part of Bikram yoga is realizing that it is such a mental exercise, and that your practice translates to the rest of your life. There were days where I wouldn't push myself because I felt insecure that I wasn't very advanced or ashamed that I was the largest person in the room or guilty that I didn't actually want to be there or < insert excuse here >, and I saw that I was feeling those same things about my work or my body or in my relationships. Some days, I left still feeling that way, but mostly, I realized that my body could do the work, it was just my mind that was using whatever excuse to defeat what I was actually doing that was good for me. So, in this time period of quiet darkness and uncertainty, I held fast to this knowledge that everything is actually good, I just needed to refocus my mind. It was a constant exercise, and it went beyond just the practice room.

One morning after a really hard week emotionally, I was in a class and I had a big moment when we were lying on the floor between postures. It was quiet, but I could hear everyone breathing almost harmoniously. It was beautiful, and in that moment, I realized that we were all one person, doing our best, sweating it out - together. They didn't know that insecurities from my childhood that I thought were defeated had somehow resurfaced. They didn't know that a family member had passed away or someone I knew in college took his own life. They didn't know that I had failed in my business in more ways than one. They didn't know that it took everything in me to simply walk in that room because I felt like a failure, isolated and alone, but at some point, it dawned on me that I didn't know anything about any of them either. When I saw us moving together, felt our dynamic energy swirl around the room, and heard our breathing like human versions of crickets chirping, whatever emotional baggage that I'd been carrying seemed to disappear because I was, in fact, not alone and I was, in fact, totally ok. It was liberating and unifying for me/us.

I knew that Bikram yoga was known for developing a community, one that has been made fun of as being "cult-like," but there's really something special about this practice that brings people together. Every practice is different for every person, that's true. It is an individual practice where each person focuses himself/herself solely on himself/herself, that's also true. People of all levels - brand new yogis to National Yoga Championship winners (Yes, they exist!) - are doing their own practices in the same room, true again. Yet somehow, someway, this amazing connection happens. It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced, and I'm so grateful that my life coach, Mark Scherer, challenged me in a class of his where I met PURE Bikram Yoga owners, Jeff and Mardy Chen, and 2 instructors, both named Nora, to meet him one Sunday morning at 9am to sweat, have fun, and just stay in the room.

Growing Hair, Growing Up

Well, as you should know by now, I shaved my head at the end of August. It was an experience unlike any other. My former roommate, Kadi, made a video of the experience. You can check it out here. Thank you, Kadi! :)

I originally shaved my head as a way to fill my self-love cup to the brim, and I believe today that cup is overflowing in the most incredible way. I walk a little taller. I speak a bit clearer. I listen to myself. I honor myself. It took a few months to get there though, and I knew there would be an adjustment period and time of intense learning before I felt the full effects of my commitment.

At the end of 1985, I graced an unsuspecting world with my presence. (You guys had NO CLUE what was upon you when I was born, did you?!) And into this world I came with a full head of hair. I had never known life without hair! My mom gave me a horrible boy haircut when I was in 2nd grade that I was convinced had scarred me for life until last year, but that was about as short as I went until I shaved my head. So, this was a big sensory experience, feeling my full scalp for the first time ever. (I might have gone skinny dipping later that night for an even bigger sensory experience. It was pretty much amazing.) I loved the shaved head so much, and I have heard people say, "Oh, you should keep it bald! It looks great on you!" To which I would reply, "Yeah, I have a good melon!" But the whole idea was to allow my hair to grow back, healthy and natural, and learn something there.

Have I learned something? I've learned a million things, all of which I don't have the time or memory to completely recall, but one big - no, HUGE - lesson was this: I needed to grow up.

In early October, when the tiny hairs were peeking their little selves out of my scalp, I was rushing around getting things ready for a fashion show, and I had to make my way across town in high traffic time to pick up a friend and make it to the venue by a certain time. I drove like a bat out of Hell, more so than usual, and crap in my car that had been piling up for forever was flying all over the place. Finally, I took a turn and a bunch of unnecessary trash spilled into my leg area, making it even more unsafe for me to drive. In my frustration, I yelled, "GOD! It's like I live with a child!" And then, immediately after that as if I were automatically a completely different person, I said to myself, sternly yet calmly, "Anslee, YOU'RE the child." Damn. I just got school - by me.

In this moment, I realized that my hair kind of represented my life stage at the time. Let me break it down for you a bit.

So, check it:
1) I had a car that was full of trash and other stuff that I was neglecting to deal with.
2) I hadn't fully moved into my house. About 75% of my belongings were still in the garage, in boxes, all over the place because I kept saying I would "get to it later/gradually." (Uh huh.)
3) I was spending money like crazy, and rather irresponsibly.
4) I never cleaned unless I absolutely had to.
5) I was eating a bunch of toxic foods, mostly in an act of rebellion against those who tried to hold me accountable. This list includes myself.
6) In every way, business-wise and personally, I was completely unorganized - and well known for it.
7) My time management skills were practically nonexistent.

Now, imagine a small child or teenager. Does most of the aforementioned list apply to them? It totally does, doesn't it?! YIKES, GUYS! Upon this realization, I broke down. I broke down hard, friend. It was real, real deep, but it was so good. The saying "The first step is identifying the problem," couldn't have been more true. I needed to really suck it up, grow up, take responsibility for my life, and fix the areas that needed attention and/or repair. A few nights after that, I spent 3 hours organizing the cabinet under my bathroom sink. 3 hours. It was exhausting, but it was progress.

Like with any big change, it doesn't happen overnight, but the commitment was there. By the beginning of December, I had fully moved into my house as my new roommate was moving in, with all of my belongings in place, organized, and clean. I was so jazzed to have everything put together that I would just stare at it! It was something that I had never seen before in my own life, only imagined or saw in magazines or in other people's homes. There weren't a bunch of boxes or bags filled with random, questionable things. I donated a huge pile of stuff as well. Getting rid of things, clearing out the clutter, cleaning it all up was on my To Do List for most of my life, and scratching that off was not only a relief, but a release.

How is this related to my health? There is an emotional/mental side of getting organized and clearing out the unnecessary things in your life to make room for the good things to come in. In my laziness to really grow up and handle all of these things (and several others - this was just a huge lesson that I wanted to write about!), I was essentially hoarding all of these emotions with it that were getting in the way of my mental/emotional/physical/spiritual success. It is all connected, and learning this connectedness and how it relates to my forward motion commitment to myself was something that blew my mind. It needed to be done, so I did it.

I'm still working on my business organization. It's a little difficult during the winter to work in my garage (my new studio space!), but I'm making it with my little space heater, my assistant, and my determination to get this awesome life of Anslee to be a well-oiled machine for success, happiness, and love. I'm excited about what I'm learning, and I'm so thankful that my hair - my hair! Really?! - showed me some areas that were truly holding me back so I can drop kick them, tackle them, and show them how it's really done.

This is my life, right? It's up to me to make it the best it can possibly be, to shine brightly, and to be an example to others. I'm grateful for these opportunities to learn and grow, and I know there are more ahead of me in this journey!

A little juice 'll do ya!

*Infomercial voice* Are you tired of slaving away at the gym, getting nowhere in your workout routine but tired? Are you sick of counting calories? Do you just want an easy, no brainer way to lose weight without feeling like you're killing yourself? Look no further! Start a juice cleanse today! *Cheesy grin and pose with a glass of green juice*

Ok, it's not exactly like that... but it's kind of exactly like that! Juicing is so easy, but there are ways to screw it up, too, so don't just take my advice, but educate yourself as much as possible if you're committed to doing this. It's a super easy way to lose weight, but don't forget that it is also hard mental work, and if you're committed to health, keep a good diet and exercise regimen for after the fast. Don't just rely on juice. It helps, but it's all up to you from there on out as it's hard to subsist on juice alone.

I'm posting this as requested from several people who want to join me in my New Year's Juice Cleanse! I'm doing 6 weeks of fresh, raw juice. I may go for a full 60 days, but I am fully committed to 6 weeks for now. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I'd love to assist you and/or point you in the right direction. [Note: I am not certified in this or considered an expert of any kind in this type of thing. Please consult a physician and don't sue me for anything. You're making this decision on your own and I am not responsible for your actions. Consider this my legal disclaimer!]

Step 1: Watch the documentary "Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead" and visit the website for lots of information, recipes, testimonials, etc. It changed my life. My former roommate, Kadi, told me to watch the doc as I was flipping out about doing the juice fast the first time (I committed to 60 days without even giving it a thought... then flipped out about it when stress hit me a few days later. Oh, former Anslee was so silly!) and it was not only helpful in calming any apprehensions I had, but it was informative and inspiring.

Funny story - I was in such a sour mood about doing the juice fast the first time (Like my mom was forcing me to do it or something? I'm not exactly sure what my problem was. I made the decision all on my own!) that I watched the documentary in secret, in my bedroom, as quiet as possible so my roommate couldn't hear that I was doing what she had calmly requested me to do. I was so bitter about it! Then, I watched it and thought, "I AM SO DOING THIS! AND I'M GONNA KICK ASS!" I think Kadi laughed at me as I admitted to her that I stealthily watched it behind her back and came to the conclusion that a) she was right, b) it was something we needed to do, and c) I really was going to do it with her. (I'm laughing at myself as I type all of this, by the way. I hope you're laughing reading this! If you know me at all, I'll bet you are!)

Step 2: Get a juicer! I got the one Joe uses in the doc, the Breville Juice Fountain Plus. It's a wonderful juicer! Easy to clean and maintain. It's like a part of the family after you use it. I've traveled with it. It's awesome! If you can't find that, or don't like it for whatever reason, just find one that will juice whole fruits and vegetables that is best suited for you. There are soooo many to choose from, which is why we decided on the Breville JFP (My, how hipster of me just now!) because it was easy as it was the one used in the film.

Step 3: Stock up your fruits and veggies! So easy. Make sure that your juicer can juice everything you buy. Some fruits and veggies need a little prep like peeling oranges or lemons, and some juicers can't do certain things, so make sure to read the information that comes with your juicer about what you are able to juice with it and/or what it will take to juice things.

Step 4: Drink your fresh juice! If you're lost as far as recipes go, just go to the website I posted in Step 1 and there are plenty of recipes there. They sell books on the subject, too. Since the documentary has aired, I imagine there have been plenty of resources to come out about it. Do your research! Talk to people about it!

Note: Talk to me about it if you need to, dear reader and friend. Put me on your speed dial - I don't care if you text me 3 times a day! Any way that I can help you achieve your optimal health results through juicing, let me know, but I'll go ahead and warn you: I'm not going to hold your hand. You're doing this for yourself. If you give me a list of excuses or worries or blahblahblah *insert whining here*, I'll let you know right now that I'm not an enabler of that kind of stuff - because I used to be, and I used to victimize myself by these same excuses and reasons to, essentially, NOT take care of myself. (Erin Wehrmann, if you're reading this, we need to have lunch soon.) If you want to change your life, you have to love yourself enough [Notice I said LOVE, not HATE! Positive change comes from positive action and positive love circulating through you, otherwise it will not stick!] in order to keep your healthy commitment to yourself! We can walk together on this journey, but I will not push you. You can come here for encouragement any time, but remember that self-love you have inside you and do it for the beautiful, lovely, healthy-minded you!

Tipsy Time!
+Try to juice at least 4 times a day with about 20+ ounces each. I say this because you need to get enough calories to nourish your body. If you consume less than 1200 calories, your body goes into starvation mode and it can really damage your system. Some recipes have calorie counts, but look up the fruits and veggies that have the most caloric value if you are worried about it. (Pears, I believe, have about 100 calories. Kale may also have more calories.)
+Juice organic! You get the most benefits from organic fruits and vegetables. They taste the best, too.
+Juice more vegetables than fruits. Fruits are sweet (Duh.) and they taste amazing (Double duh.), but they raise your blood sugar (Womp womp.), so try to stick to more veggies in your juice recipe and lay off the fruit. It can be hard, but you'll receive more health benefits by avoiding the sweetness as much as possible. Try to treat yourself to a sweet juice once a day, or once a week! Whatever works best for you. Try, try, try to limit the sweets!
+Stick to just juice and water the best you can. Yeah... I know. I love coffee, too, but trust me. After a few days, you won't need it and you'll wonder why you were ever addicted in the first place. (I can already hear your excuses... AND I LAUGH AT THEM! Just kidding!) ;) Coconut water is a good supplementary treat that helps with hydration. Kombucha and hot tea are ok. Use your best judgment. I've heard of people quitting smoking while they juice. If you're gonna quit solid foods, you might as well get rid of the other vices! Try it. Your body will loooooooove you for it!
+Tired of juicing everything yourself? Go to Whole Foods! There are, like, a million Whole Foods in Austin now (Ok, just 3, but still.), and there are at least 2 Juicebox's, the Daily Juice Cafe, Juiceland, Gonzo Juice, and several other places offer fresh juice as well. (Including drink well. Fresh OJ. True story.) If you don't live in Austin, look up some places in your area that have juice bars. I'm sure there are a few places that you probably weren't aware of that offer juice!
+New Earth Center is doing some cool stuff for New Year's juicers as well! Check 'em out here: http://www.newearthcenter.com/
+Avoid packaged juice if you can! It is heated in the canning process, thus eliminating most of the benefits of fresh, live juice. Some of them add sugar, too. No bueno. Be hardcore! Juice raw! Yeah! You can do it!
+Exercise. You'll feel good, and then, drink more juice. :)
+Talk to people about it. Even if you're doing straight juice for just 3 days, I'll bet someone will congratulate you and say, "I could never do that! You are so awesome!" A) They're right! You ARE awesome! and B) They're wrong because they totally could do that! It's all mental. The point of this is that you're educating others about what you're doing, why you're doing it, and it's reinforcing your commitment to yourself by having these conversations. I talked A LOT the first 60 days. (Yes, even more than I already do.) You will meet some incredible people during this journey. I met my awesome life coach, Mark, during my first juice cleanse! He's just one of the lovely people who have enriched my life ever since.
+Relax. You're not going to die. (Well, if you juice enough, you won't!) You'll eat solid foods again, I swear! Do stuff to take your mind off of it. Enjoy it. Remind yourself of the positive, great things you're doing for your body!
+DO NOT EAT A CHEESEBURGER OUT OF TEMPTATION!!!! Seriously. At any point, do not eat heavy foods like this while you are juicing. Your body is making some very awesome adjustments during this process and if you do something silly and think, "Oh, I can have a steak after 14 days of a LIQUID DIET OF RAW PLANTS. No big deal." and go for it... I'll say some prayers for you because I don't think it will work out well. You need to reintroduce foods back into your diet after you finish this juice cleanse. A good site for breaking your juice fast is this one right here or this one!
+The word "juices" makes me cringe. Just thought I'd share that. But here I am! Talking about them! :)
+Celebrate! Go juice with people. Have a juice party! I'll bet you know some people who have wanted to try it, so encourage them to take the plunge! It can be so much fun, and I guarantee you'll learn a ton about yourself and the other person in this process!

If I left anything out, I'll post it in a follow up!

Some juice-related posts of mine that may help:
Documentaries will kick your ass. Lesson learned.
Perspective! (Little shout out to Heidi Wrabel!)
Juice Fast 2012: So, what AM I doing?!
Bright today, bright future.
Balancing Act: I Am What I Eat
I'm calling it a miracle.

I can't wait to hear your stories! Please, please share them. I would love to be apart of your journey and support you!

Thank you for reading this, friends! Sending you my love! Can't wait to start this!

A little recap!

GUYS! I know it has been a while since I've posted something, so for that, I deeply apologize! It's been so busy and awesome that I haven't been able to figure out what to write! That's a good problem, I suppose. ;) Anyway, I'll give you a little bit of a post about some cool stuff I've been learning and then I'll jump into some juicing stuff with a following post since I'm beginning a new juice cleanse on the 1st!

Ok, first thing- Hair!: My hair has grown SO MUCH, and so have I! It's been an amazing journey with my fresh, new, baby hair coming in, and I won't post anything about that yet (Gosh! I know! There's just so much to write that I need to save it! Trust me. You'll probably laugh and cry and laugh some more...) so just sit tight. The past few months have been cr-a-zy good working through some tough stuff.

Dating: Yeah, so, I made myself a new rule - "Don't post anything about the dudes in your life, Anslee. They seem to disappear after you do that." That's pretty self-explanatory. But honestly, I've learned a lot lately about healthy relationships, dating and platonic friendships alike, and how boundaries are supremely important. I'm talking about my boundaries with myself above all, mainly with consideration to the other person, and it was tough to begin with, but after a while, I realized how there is a deeper appreciation between the other person and myself. Plus, heartbreak... It happens, guys. That's part of dating, right? Figuring out what works for you, what doesn't, and deciding whether the person you're spending time with is THE ONE or not. That last guy was really awesome, and he kind of told me, in a roundabout way, that he saw that I was pretty much on my way to conquering the world (It's true, ok. So don't fight it!) and he didn't want to get in the way of that due to our differences. I didn't believe him until a few days ago when I woke up, immediately sat up in my bed, and said out loud, "Holy shit. That guy was so right. Thanks, guy!" I didn't want to get in his way either, so it worked out in it's own little sad-at-the-time way. I learned a lot in that mini relationship, and I am thankful for all of the blessings from those lessons that I get to carry with me now. [Cue: "Some day, my Prince will come!" Oh, Sleeping Beauty... Thanks for being there for me when I need ya!]

Parents: Christmas 2012 will go down in history as the First Annual Vegan Connell Christmas. I shit you not! Seriously. There was no animal product or by-product to be had at Christmas dinner for the first time EVER. Rewind to Thanksgiving when I sat my parents down after a great dinner together followed by an even better conversation (I am beyond blessed to have such open, loving, communicative parents!) and showed them the documentary "Forks Over Knives." Here's how it went.

Me: Mom... Dad... I would like to show you something if you don't mind. It's a documentary that can explain to you in a better way why I am choosing to go mostly vegan with my diet. Since you're medical professionals, I think you will understand where I am coming from and why I have made this choice. As you know, I did a juice fast this year that really helped me a whole lot and provided a ton of clarity, health benefits, and healing, and this documentary can help explain some of that and why I'm going to basically do more of it.
Mom & Dad: *looking slightly concerned but open to new information that can explain why their daughter has jumped off the dietary deep end* Ok... Sure. Let's check it out. We're not doing anything else anyway.
Me: Great! Now, I just want you to know that this isn't to persuade you or convince you of anything. I simply want to show you where I am coming from so you have a better understanding. *Start the documentary*

There were a few "Oh, wow. I didn't know that!"s and "Yeah, you are totally right!"s and then... My father, the radiologist and self-proclaimed carnivore says...

Dad: How can I get more information about this? How can I be one of those doctors in the film? Is there a training program? Can I read some books about this? ... ... ...
Me: *jaw on the floor, looking up everything I can find on the internet about this subject as fast as humanly possible* Here we go! ... ... ...

And the rest is history. I got a text from Dad about a week later saying that he was a vegetarian (My heart practically stopped and then jumped for joy!) and that I've made more of an impact than I probably know!

Pause. Let's think about this for a second. I am the youngest person in my family of 5. I'm the baby girl. I'm "the artist." The "crazy one." The "weirdo liberal." You know, all of that stuff. I only dreamed of having this kind of support! I remember talking about my decision to go mostly vegan as a prayer request during community prayer at my church because I was preparing for rejection! Who knew they would be on board! I am completely elated, and I can't wait to see our progress as a family to a whole foods, plant-based diet. Our minds have changed, and our bodies are following suit. I am so, so thankful for these changes we are going through that are bringing us much closer as a family unit. (Did I mention that politics were brought up ONLY ONCE my entire Christmas visit?! Hello, Christmas miracle! Thank you, Baby Jesus!!!) I feel like I've won something. You know what, I may have!

Bikram: I started a 90-day bikram challenge! And ooooohhhhh mmmmyyyyy gooooooodnessssss I am IN LOVE! But... I'm saving that for another post soon, so watch out for that. (I am such a tease tonight, aren't I?! I can't help it! I've been needing to write for a long time about all kinds of stuff!) Good things come to those who wait, right?! ;)

So, that's it for right now. There have been so many amazing things happening in my life that I can't wait to share - along with my goals for 2013. There are many, of course. Would you expect anything less? Didn't think so! Ok, I love you guys and I'm excited to post next about juicing, so come back in a little bit!

LOVE!