Yay! She's back! :)

Hello, my friend - I'm glad you're back! I knew you hadn't left me.

So, my scale hasn't worked since before I left for Georgia, so I'm going to return it soon. I don't understand scales.

The past few days have probably put some weight on me seeing as my extremely high dose of Prednisone causes me to be ravenously hungry. Thank God I'm at a camp on a church getaway. I brought my own food, and it's pretty healthy considering I had to get it ready made from Whole Foods. I was running around doctors' offices and pharmacies right before I left and didn't have a chance to cook what I wanted to bring. I was kind of sad about that, actually, but oh well. What can I do about it now?

This week, as far as exercise goes, I've done. . .
45 minutes of walking and
30 minutes of hiking.

Not too bad, all things considered. It was kind of a rough week in spots, but I managed to get by and my eye is doing so much better (thank you, compounded drugs)! I'm just hoping my overeating won't continue when I get back home. I'm planning on getting a bike this week, so maybe that will do something for me. Who knows?

Bike season approaching.

I think I'm returning my scale soon. I'm tired of it being a teenager to me.

I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate myself on not gaining weight over the holidays! I believe that is the first, and I know if I lasted through this one, I'm sure to last through more. I did indulge a bit in some wine on New Year's and drunkenly ate chips and queso like I had never eaten before, but I'm not beating myself up. It was really difficult to resist the rainbow chip cupcakes my brother made for my nephew's birthday. They were impressed, though.

That's why I'm doing this. I'm doing this so my family can see that change can happen, even in the small things. I want to show my mother that she doesn't have to end up like her mother, bless her heart. She's not doing so great and it is tearing me up. Some people just never get it. But I get it. I want to show my mom that she can play with my children one day when she's 85 and not sit alone in her assisted living apartment unable to move much. That broke my heart, but I can't dwell on it.

I'm learning so much just by observing things and the strength to refuse things politely. People understand more than I had ever imagined. I'm taking mental notes of how much change I've made, and it is so nice to have friends who encourage and support me. Some of them keep me in line, so that's nice, too.

Exercise wise, I've done about
30 minutes of car dancing and
30 minutes of walking.

Chuck is moving to a house down the street (or so he thinks), and I walked to see him yesterday. It was a nice, little stroll over there and back. It's about 6 blocks, so it isn't bad at all. I hope he moves there because it will be a nice motivation to be active and see my new best friend.

I've thrown myself into cooking more lately. It feels good. It tastes REALLY good! I hope I don't get lazy, though. Laziness is the root of all evil, or at least, for me it is.

Oh, and I should be getting a bike soon! I'm excited about that.

Does running around with children count?

So far, last week, I have done. . .
30 min. of playing around with kids/dogs (if that even counts)
and about 30 min. of car dancing.

I weighed this morning and it was 243, so that's not bad. I think my scale at home weighs me less for some strange reason that I won't argue with.

It's good to be with family and friends right now.
It's not so fun to resist cupcakes on my nephew's birthday, though.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Is it just me?

I think I may be the only one keeping up with this thing, but that's ok. It helps.

I did no exercise last week.

I am down to 242.8, I believe, so that's exciting!

The end, for now.

Holiday Strength

It's difficult, I'll say that much.

This week. . .
only about an hour of dancing at a wedding.

But hey, that's an hour I didn't have before, right?
250.1 again. Not the worst, but I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
More evaluation upon my return home (in Austin, for clarification).

Hope you're doing great!

Addiction and Health

I have an acquaintance who comes by my work on his way to an AA meeting. I deeply admire this man for his commitment to bettering himself by recognizing his weakness and tackling it head on, even if pride and social situations may hinder that for most. He inspires me every time I talk to him to continue to keep my health in my best interest, and I went in to his place of business last night, Torchy's Tacos - my favorite place to eat in Austin - and gave him a ridiculous order. When I sat down to wait, we talked for a bit, and I explained to him my medical situation and he understood. I realized we are both struggling with addictions and we have to face every day with the decision of whether or not to feed them or deny them for our overall well being.

That said, I went to a wedding tonight and I had some wine and champagne. Phil's Ice House was catering burgers and chicken sandwiches. I had a piece of chicken and a hamburger patty. Both of them were wrapped with lettuce. I went back for sweet potato fries later and gave my regular potato fries to sweet, little Audrey. There were cake and cupcakes. I wanted them, but I am too weak to have a taste. The drinking I could have done without one or 2, but I allowed myself to indulge in those instead of attacking the wedding cake. For me right now, one bite = a month-long carb and sweets craving, it seems.

Work has been difficult lately because I keep wanting to take an extra pastry out for myself. I used to do that, but it is getting a little easier. I just know how great things taste and I want them all the time. I can't, though.

More and more people are beginning to find out about my situation, and I'm glad. It isn't anything to be ashamed of, but it does feel a little strange when it is such an open topic around strangers. I don't mind it so much, really, but I do know that the more my closest friends know, the more they can be mindful to help keep me in the mindset I am in and help me stay on track. I need the support right now.

Another thing to note is that I have been extremely busy lately, and busy makes me eat out more. I've been pretty strict for the most part, but I hope I can continue that for when I go home on Thursday. I may need to get something extra for when I go visit my g-ma and that side of the family next weekend. I am really excited!

My scale isn't working today. It likes to be a bit temperamental, but I weighed a few days ago and it was something like 246. Not too bad!

As far as exercising goes, I worked out a LOT on my birthday, which was really awesome. (Oh and I had some ice cream on my birthday and some sopapilla! It was super yummy but not too much.)

This past week, I have done. . .
1 hour of yoga
and 45 minutes of workout at 24-hour fitness.

This week, I've already got some dancing under my belt from, so bring on the exercise!

First week, not too bad!

I told all of my friends here what I'm doing and why I'm doing it, and everyone is fantastically supportive. I've been trying to spend time with people actively instead of just sitting in a cafe, doing whatever. It's been really nice.

This week I have. . .
walked for an hour with Gina,
walked for 30 minutes with Jillian and her dogs,
and I have danced for about 20 minutes with Lilia, Siobhan, and Claire.
So far, so good!

I cheated a little bit last night on SBD, but I only drank about half of the special mocha with Bailey's and Kahlua, and I only ate one slice of ESP pizza. I also had 3 glasses of wine. It was my birthday, so I'm proud of myself for not going overboard!

I weighed yesterday and I'm down to 251.9. That is so great!

The thing that I love the most is how great I feel. I'm not in a bad mood, I don't wake up feeling bad, and my energy doesn't run out very easily. The question came up last night why I'm doing this and why I'm committing, and I couldn't help but mention Sarah and how she and I have such a great friendship to help each other be active and potentially change our fates. People were most certainly excited for all of the changes I am making, the mindset I'm doing them in, and my level of commitment overall. It's difficult to work in an establishment where it is super easy to mark out a pastry and eat the whole thing before someone notices. I've been there and done that, but now I picture leg amputations and the like in order to picture that in reality, every choice I make leads to another, and I have to make the right ones. I have to do it for me right now, and continue to do it for others later. I'm excited to see what will come of this in the future. I'm sure that I will be very satisfied.